A Way That Will Work Wonders For You

There is a reason why the other man thinks and acts as he does. Search and find out the reason and you have the keys to his actions, perhaps to his personality. Try to put yourself in his place.

If you say to yourself, “How would I feel and react if I were in his shoes?” you will save yourself time and irritation, for “by becoming interested in the cause, we are less likely to dislike the effect.” And, in addition, you will sharply increase your skill in human relationships.

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Success in dealing with people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other person’s viewpoint. My friend, Tan used to tell his wife that she spent too much time working on their small garden, pulling weeds, fertilizing, and cutting the grass twice a week when the garden didn’t look any better than it had when they moved into their home 4 years earlier. Naturally, his wife was distressed by his remarks, and each time he made such remarks, the rest of the day was ruined.

After talking and discussing with some of his friends (me included), Tan realized how foolish he had been all those years. It never occurred to him that his wife enjoyed doing that work and she might really appreciate a compliment on her diligence.

One evening, after dinner, his wife said she wanted to pull some weeds and invited Tan to keep her company. He first declined, but then thought better of it and went out with her and began to help her pull weeds. She was visibly pleased and together they spent an hour, pulling weeds and having a pleasant conversation.

After this, he often helped her with the gardening and complimented her on how fine the garden looked, and what fantastic job she was doing. Result: a happier life for both because he had learned to look at things from her point of view, even if the subject was only pulling weeds.

Seeing things through another person’s view may ease tensions when personal problems become overwhelming. My colleague, Shim was 6 weeks late with the car payments. On Wednesday, she said, “I received a nasty phone call from the man who was handling my account informing me if I did not come up with RM850 by Friday morning, I could anticipate further action from the company. I had no way of raising the money for the next few days, so when I received his call on Friday morning, I expected the worst. Instead of upset, I looked at the situation from his point of view. I apologized most sincerely for causing him so much inconvenience and remarked that I might be his most troublesome customer as this was not the first time I was behind on my payments.

His tone of voice changed immediately, and he reassured me that I was far from being one of his really troublesome customers. He went on to tell me several examples of how rude his customers sometimes were, how they lied to him and often tried to avoid talking to him at all. I said nothing, I listened and let him pour out his troubles to me. Then, without any suggestion from me, he said it did not matter if I could not pay all the money immediately. It would be all right if I paid him RM250 by next week and the balance by the middle of the month.” Shim was so relieved to hear that.

Next time, before asking anyone to buy your product or contribute to your favorite charity, why not pause a moment and try to think the whole thing through from another person’s point of view? Ask yourself: “Why should he or she want to do it? True, this will take time but will get better results and with less friction too. Understanding this may easily prove to be one of the stepping stones of your career or in any endeavor you are doing.

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That’s all for now, my friends. See you all in my next article.

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